Embracing the Gray: Moving Beyond Black-and-White Thinking

It’s quite natural to categorize the world into buckets, doing so makes it easier to navigate. Things are either completely right or entirely wrong, completely good or entirely evil, either beautiful or ugly. Our minds evaluate each situation, analyze the facts and circumstances, and then classify them into its appropriate category.

We prefer simplicity as it helps us understand complex issues and situations into clear cut choices. Think of this as a cognitive cheat code, the problem however, is this way of thinking can inhibit our ability to see nuance. 

The binary lens often prevents us from seeing both sides, our perspective becomes polarized. Real world issues are multifaceted and are not easily comprehended. Viewing things in a binary manner can hinder our ability to engage in discussion, innovate, and ultimately leads to division

Let’s attempt to take a step back when we begin to see the world this way and find the balance. The gray. Black on one side, white on the other, and in the middle an abundant amount of gray.

From a very early age I was very regimented. I loved math and science, so naturally pursued Engineering. Through school and my professional career, I discovered my passion for Data. Whether it's my professional or personal life, decisions are data driven. (Data never lies). So you can say I gravitate to the black or white way of thinking. Logical thought process complemented by critical thinking.

You encounter a stumbling block when logic alone can't provide answers to certain questions in life.

Why do bad things happen to good people? Why is the world plagued with atrocities? 

Murder, rape, uncurable diseases, genocide, death of children. Natural disasters that take hundreds of thousands lives. Sandy Hook school shooting, 20 first grade students. Police officers who are supposed to be our protectors, committing senseless murders. Wars that leave children without siblings, parents and other family members. Her entire family, taken from this world in a blink of an eye. 

My mind can't comprehend any of it. 

There is no formula I can use, no dataset I can analyze to make sense of this. I struggle with this tremendously because no amount of logic or reason can be applied to help control my mind from spiraling. 

The empathy quickly progresses into ruminating.  An overwhelming feeling of hopelessness consumes me. Fully aware these horrible situations are out of my reach. Acknowledging this should help alleviate the pain. Quite the contrary. Despair creeps in like a dark cloud.  

After reading the stories, watching the videos, how do I proceed to go about my day? Do I casually drink this old fashioned and crack a joke? Do I stop reading the news and proceed to live in a bubble? 

When we hear the tragic news about beautiful souls that we never met or had a personal connection with, it impacts us. One of the most amazing things about human nature is our capacity for compassion.  The way we can be distressed about someone who we don’t have a direct relationship with. 

When a loved one is fighting a battle, or even worse, when we lose them, the depth of despair and pain is significantly amplified. If we can empathize with a stranger's pain, the impact becomes profoundly life-changing when it involves a loved one.

Now, your world has just turned upside down. 

As we go through life, it’s almost inevitable we experience a traumatic event. In my 37 years, I’ve taken some punches, been knocked down and certainly had times where I did not want to get back up. 

As a child I saw my father lose his siblings and my grandfather at a very young age. Two brothers, a sister and his dad, all within 5 years. All of this while trying to balance a business and a family. 

My sister was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes. A child forced to be responsible and “adult” at the age of 7. 

My college fraternity brother battled cancer for years. A beautiful soul with a tremendous heart. Parents having to say goodbye to their first born. A little sister loses her brother. 

My mom battled lupus, multiple kidney transplants. In and out of the hospital. Life was neither kind nor fair to her. 

My grandfather suffered a stroke and paralyzed on the left side. For more than 10 years my grandmother cared for him. No days off. Stayed by his side every single day, from morning until night, caring for him.

Last year, my little cousin passed away in her sleep. She was 16. A baby. Our little mooch. My uncle’s heart. My aunts’ prayer for a girl, answered. The princess of the family, now our guardian angel. 

When you feel like you're regaining your footing, life pulls you in the opposite direction. The highs seem rare and far apart, while the lows keep getting deeper.

At a young age you just keep pushing forward. You take the lows and onwards you go. Life is hard. We are faced with situations that are out of our control, leaving us no other option but to adapt. 

Where I fail, is trying to grasp the meaning behind it all. Why? If people are to be taken from this earth, must they suffer prior to leaving. I will never understand why parents have to endure the agony of losing a child. Why do those with the purest hearts, who live their lives for others, suffer the most? 

Not being able to associate a valid reason leads to a whirlwind of questions and thoughts. You go down the rabbit hole of questioning humanity, is there any good left in this world? What is really the point of life? What am I doing here? Is there a greater purpose?

Ah, there’s a bug in the code. A rational mindset fails to process it all. Let’s deploy a patch to fix the bug.

In recent years I have made an active attempt to expand my perspective. Realizing that it's perfectly normal to be filled with anger and sadness. I will not let that pain consume me. I refuse to let it define me. 

Acknowledging the negative experiences and accepting that they are part of your life. Your ability to genuinely accept these negative events allows for an authentic appreciation of the positive events. Embrace the suffering and pain while tuning in to what the potential opposite looks like. 

The same principle holds true when you view failure as a lesson. Learning from it makes the ensuing success all the more rewarding. When building a product, the first iteration is usually far from perfect. You receive user feedback, what’s working and what’s not, learn new requirements for features and hit the drawing board again. 

I firmly believe that the energy you emit is the energy you receive in return. Your thoughts, feelings, and actions all vibrate at a certain frequency, which influences what you attract. For me it’s spreading kindness where you are. That small ripple can evolve into a tidal wave, impacting many lives. 

Healing has transformed my perspective on life in the most positive way. Painful experiences that create a ray of light on happiness. Viewing suffering, pain, grief as an opportunity rather than a problem.

For every bad thing there is a corresponding good counterpart. It’s certainly difficult to realize positivity when you’re at what feels like rock bottom. It takes a conscious effort to recognize that good still exists. 

Kindness, generosity, positivity, love. It’s out there, and plenty of it. 

When you see healthcare professionals volunteer in havoc filled countries, risking their safety and lives to provide care. People like 𝐙𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐃𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐰𝐬𝐤𝐢 who have created powerful movements in spreading kindness and love throughout the world. Promoting mental health awareness as part of his broader mission to help people.

You have influencers leveraging social media and their platforms to change lives on a large scale. Joey Swoll is spreading positivity and kindness one video at a time. Calling out cyber bullying and pushing society to be better. 

There are activists fighting for human rights, social justice, women’s rights, healthcare access, global justice. Individuals devoted to improving the world.

Terrible events will occur around the world, and life will present challenging times, pain, and a sense of hopelessness. Often, these situations are beyond your control, and there is no logical explanation to make sense of them. Making a conscious effort to recognize the complexities and subtleties of the situations provides clarity. Harnessing empathy, compassion, and critical thinking empowers you to dismantle the barriers created by black-and-white thinking. 

The challenging times over the years, the lows, I lost sight of the positivity in the world. Taking a step back and shaking the binary thinking allowed a fresh perspective on life. 

Witnessing the love, kindness and positivity across the world, restores our faith in humanity. There is still good left in the world. You can feel the shift in energy. Slowly you begin to notice the nuance, the beauty in the subtleties. Life is no longer defined by extremes; instead, it embraces the richness of experiences, feelings, and love found in the subtleties—the gray.